Take me through the fear, back to where I am. Where the fear is gone and there is only the two of us left. Don’t stop, Don’t limit yourself. Take me over the edge and watch me become ridiculously, rapturously, alive.
I asked my Owner to push me, test me, and teach me to overcome my fear around electricity and shocks from the cattle prod devices we have. I have been punished painfully by these and have negative associations with my feelings around the times they have been used on me, not necessarily with the pain…but having that association heightens my fear of the pain. I have often been in states where I felt like a bad pet for one reason or another when it has been used on me, and it’s hard to be brave when those are the feelings that come up when I know the prod is coming after me. I crave being a good girl, it sincerely bothers me when I am not.
This time (just like many others) wasn’t about anything I had done wrong, this was a lesson in me learning to be brave and to trust again, no matter what. To separate how I feel and how I serve. It doesn’t matter how I feel about it, it matters that I please and obey my Owner.
It is fantastic to be surrendering to my Owner and Patches. A new voice is guiding me through familiar territory. Familiar fear. I am standing on my toes in my ballet heels, my wrists lifted high and tight above me. My body is stretched on display, exposed for kisses from electricity and anything the world would would wish of me.
It is excruciating up on my toes as time continues to pass. I am thankful for the flogger as it resets my mind and I no longer care about my toes or my arms. For the moment I am free with the pain, my mind a stark contrast to my helpless reality. The cattle prod quickly brings me back, then my mind is white with sensation as my nipples are harshly clamped. My nipples are so tender and the way those clamps squeeze is intense to say the least! I am buckling in pain. White light is searing through me, devouring my words and my breath…and yet I am aware that it is only pain… but try communicating that to your body!
You can’t. You just process. You just ride it…then transcend.
I crave my body buckling in pain against my Owner as he pushes me deeper still, holding me tight, allowing me to suffer then pulling me through. This river of pain cascading across and inside my body, the waves you create in my mind, these moments, when the two of us are all that exist…those small seconds make me melt and feel like forever. I am a creature made to be trained and used for this. I want to worship my Owner even more as I am taken to each edge and thoughtfully thrown off. 🙂
I am thankful for strong mentors, strong men who can break me into tears, take me apart and melt me into the finest creature laid out at their feet. I truly suffered, and I am whole. I want my Owner to be able to pour out his day upon me, all his tension, all of his fire. To offer me up to whomever he should choose. It is my pleasure to suffer for you, I encourage you to not hold back and to teach this little thing to suffer well. Thank you for the marks on my body and brining me forward into more and more obedience. I am going to learn to be a good girl. This thing knows it is a servant for all.
272 MB | 800 x 448 | mp4 | 01:48:06
